inspiration move me brightly

let my inspiration flow

in token rhyme, suggesting rhythm

that will not forsake you 

till my tale is told and done

.....

inspiration, move me brightly

light the song with sense and color

hold away despair

more than this i will not ask

(the Grateful Dead's 'Terrapin Station' is on the brain this morning...)

Good morning friends, old and new!

First things first... I want to give a warm welcome to my new followers who joined up during the Follower's Fest! For those that joined up, I can't wait to take a trip back to your blogs and follow you too! Give me just a little time to get to that - this weekend is about to get crazy, and as soon as things settle down tomorrow, when I can get back to blogger I will take care of that! :)

Good morning... here I am, raw, broken out, no make up (well, I lie, I put on a little lip gloss... okay, lipstick , to take this picture. I didn't want to look COMPLETELY horrible). This is pretty much me everyday, people! I don't have time otherwise!! haha :)

Before I go any further with this week though, I want to take the time to post some of the inspiring, encouraging, and wonderful notes I've received this week from blog readers. Let me just be real -- the purpose of this blog is multi-faceted - 1) I NEED this outlet - life is so hard right now, writing is so therapeutic, so if you find me long winded, I won't apologize, this is helping me stay sane, 2) I DO want to grow this blog, as part of why I NEED to write is due to our incredibly trying financial situation at the moment and all the crap that it brings up with it, I hope that one day, my family will benefit from it (don't hate me for being honest pweeease) - but admittedly these are very "me" focused reasons. So when something I share, or an experience I write about causes someone else to consider their own existence and want to live better, BE better or gives them steam to face the next day, there just aren't words adequately suited to express the deep gratification, satisfaction and joy that this brings me.

this satisfies me, too. :o)

I am an ENFJ personality type, and I NEED to help others, to nurture others, to cause others to reach their full potential. It is just ingrained in my very being that I am to pour into others. So to think that this blog has somehow closed that loop for me and for others, well, what can I say? I am simply floored. This just goes to show how important it is that what I put out there is meaningful... the power of the internet is that it can be both fluid and static at the same time - thoughts and ideas may be somewhat fleeting and "instant" (with Twitter and Facebook being examples) and quickly forgotten, but a blog by its nature and the will of the writer allows ideas to be savored and meditated upon. A blog - and blogger - can have influence, the importance of this I have been granted the opportunity and gift of understanding this week. This gives me steam to keep going, keep writing, keep talking. Even when I am overwhelmed. I pray everyday that my blog will just grow organically. I just don't have the energy some days to do all the "stuff" bloggers are supposed to do, and I feel like my prayers were answered sort of this week by receiving these gifts of encouragement.

they're worth it all.

So, read on. All of the notes posted have been cleared by their authors to be released for you to read anonymously. I am so blessed by their hearts... And again, if you guys are reading this now, please know, God used you all this week to give me hope and focus. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I just want to thank you for your blog. I am an avid reader now, because you say what so many of us feel, and what we think is not normal. Thank you for being so open about what stresses you out and what challenges you. I have been keeping your whole family in my prayers. You are such a strong and amazing person, you do so much and work so hard. I hope I can be half the mother you are if God so chooses to bless me with children. Life gets really really tough sometimes, but never more that we can handle. If there is anything you need, from afar, don't hesitate to ask. I feel that there is some way I can offer support, I just haven't figured it out yet. Stay strong, don't be afraid to cry, and lean on those who are there to support you. I appreciate you and wish you the best.

This one was sent to my husband to pass on to me:
I was hoping you could pass something on to Brooke for me, since I don't really talk to her at all.
Please let her know I find her blog really inspiring, and it was much needed today. I don't read it regularly (never have before) but today with the realization we will be losing our truck (plus $20K in balance AFTER what we'd get for selling it) and that we're likely going to lose our apartment and need a much smaller, uglier place (and forget a dishwasher or laundry) it was just very helpful reading.
I have been having a very hard time lately trying to resist being angry with those that got us into this mess, though of course ultimately all the blame lies with us. It has been theraputic to read Brooke's words on changing what we can affect, and accepting what we cannot.
The hardest part for [us] is being apart. I know we are going to survive... [my husband] is an entrepreneurial spirit and a born salesman, so with his talents we will make ends meet - even if they have to be smaller "ends" more within our current means. But nevertheless, having not been more than five feet from one another since the day he moved here..., this being apart while he works is the worst pain.
Anyway, we will get through our trouble, and you will too. At the risk of making promises we can't keep, if we get through our troubles we certainly hope to help you with yours.
Less than two years ago, [we] were staring down the barrel of an incomprehensible trust fund, with more money than we'd ever truly need. We knew what penthouse condo we wanted, with two parking spots because of course [he] needed a Ferrari AND a Cadillac for the winter. I wanted a second property in the country for horses... But not riding horses - Thoroughbreds. You know, because everyone with more than $5M net worth has at least a few THOROUGHBREDS. I wanted trips across the globe, to Egypt and Paris and every place tropical.
Then it was all gone. Or, at least on temporary delay (haha, we can hope, right?)
Now I realize the only thing that ever mattered, that we took for granted, was our time together - the days that tick by unappreciated, going back and forth on what to do with our seemingly endless time. That, and our basic security and comfort (food, shelter, freedom from debt). This whole experience also made me realize the importance of charity. Not that we are selfish people - we open doors for others, always return our library books on time, give advice or a shoulder where we can... But we are one of the small percent of people in the world who may be able to make a real difference for others, and that idea somehow never factored in for us.
I still want a home, and I want [my husband] to be able to quit working. I want the security and the time together I realize now is so important. But as for the rest of it, I really want to do good things with our money (if it comes afterall). Things we can be proud of, and things that will positively affect the lives of others. And a lot of that has come from reading Brooke's blogs.

I love this man.

I just finished reading your most recent blog post accurately titled, 'anyone want to buy a house?' (I think that was the title ha.) Your honesty and transparency are endearing. I wanted you to know it is a beautiful house. I'm sure deep down you know this is only a temporary season of life for you guys; I want to remind you that it is. There have been so many foreclosure (which you are hoping to avoid) and short sales, that there is less negative stigma then there used to be. In fact, when you guys get ready to buy another house one day, there is a good chance the loan officer accross the desk has had his own financial struggles. That industry and the economy were/are decimated.
So, the only option you have is to hang in there. This experience will hopefully forever influence how you guys manage money and risk. This is our generation's 'great depression' that will forever influence us.

and certainly not the least, my precious Dakota. 

I hope you have been inspired too. 


Thanks for reading. My heart is warmed by all of your encouraging comments and notes. I truly mean it when I say this blogging journey is becoming something I never really imagined it could be - something that not only helps me to make it, but may just help others. And I cannot ask for more than that. 


Much love.


Finally, one of my favorite Pink Floyd tunes, "Coming Back to Life"... just wanted to share it as it has some reference to where I'm at. Forgive me for being on the hippie trip, but I can't help it on this fine morning. Gotta love the Pink Floyd. :)


I might add that I listened to their live album, "Pulse" pretty much incessantly during the few months after I met Dakota's dad, started cleaning houses, and shortly after found out that I was pregnant. So much going on in my mind at the time... a feeling of utter desolation... but attached to this song was a very good memory - driving up Going to the Sun Road in Glacier National Park at midnight, looking up at the sea of stars hanging out the passenger window of my friend Jenifer's truck... a feeling of freedom I caught for a moment, that hangs on this song. Enjoy.