circus + carnival

things are about to change

I have some news. 

So, a few weeks ago, Jason got a call for a job opportunity with a company we'd gotten a lead for from my sister back in February. As he has many times before, he submitted his resume and entered the waiting game.  Jason had been hired on full time doing carpentry work for the company my step-dad works at but it was temporary and we knew that, no matter how much it sucked. So he had to continue to look for other work even while working.

Around the first or second week of March, Jason got a call from this particular company to interview for a position that would use his skill set in the insurance arena. He went in promptly for an interview and was brought back the same day for a second interview. We waited a couple of days and received another call to schedule a third interview. During those couple of days, Jason was informed by HR that the company was going to make an offer. We were very excited and hopeful because this meant a job that was more along his "career path" and possible benefits. We desperately need benefits. So yeah, we were excited.

A couple of months before that, I started thinking about looking for daytime employment. I love my job at Table and Main. But the time away from my family at night and having no weekends at all really wears on us. Jason and I spend so much time apart, and we never have time for dates or just hanging out. The schedule with him working days and me working nights was not ideal, but we didn't really see a way out of it. I did look for just basic admin work, sent out a couple of resumes but that was it. And I prayed. I specifically said, "God, if you want me to work during the day you have to bring me a job. Please give me a job." That was it - nothing fancy. I didn't actively look for anything beyond that week and I didn't really pray that much about it beyond that week. I received no calls. I also never really thought about applying for the corporate world because I didn't have a degree. Any advancements I'd made in my nine years at Avaya was from sheer will and determination. I thought a degree was everything with the pool of applicants so large these days. So I never ever thought about corporate as an option... corporate salary, corporate benefits as I used to enjoy them would never be again, or so I thought. 

In the last four years of struggle, of feeling like the future was hopeless, having no real "life" or ability to enjoy it with my family and kids, I pined a bit for the "way things used to be". My therapist told me once that I didn't have to be part of the system, I just needed to make the system work for me. The perks of employment in corporate America are big when you are trying to raise a family and have a lifestyle that you enjoy. And it can be a vehicle for us, especially in our situation, to really get on our feet and move on to better places and spaces (financial freedom, a home, some land, all that we dream of). The thing is, when there's no money, it's hard. Money's not everything. That's for sure. If you can't learn to LIVE when there's no money, if you can't learn to TRUST when there's no money, what is it all for? What has all of this been for, this season? We have had tremendous support from our family, and we have sought many different and creative avenues to support ourselves. But we have grown tired and weary. We are thankful, and we have learned to let go and trust, but still, weary. We found ourselves recently in the in-between spot of making a few too many bucks a month to qualify for food stamps and Medicaid, but not enough to thrive on our own. Weary.

So then, during a certain conversation Jason had with the HR contact at the company he mentioned my background and was told to encourage me to submit my resume as they were hiring for multiple positions. This company is HUGE... a multi-national corporation with many different areas of focus. I thought I would be applying for a job in the same position Jason had been offered. So I submitted my resume. When we realized how close the offices were to our home (0.6 miles - that's walking distance folks), I thought, "hey! it would be fun to work with Jason, walk to work, make more money, have benefits, have nights and weekends back..."... all good, all promising and hope-inspiring thoughts. 

Then, on Monday the 8th, Jason talked to the HR lady again when he received his written offer. The compensation he was offered was not really ideal, but it wasn't less than what he was making doing carpentry, so we figured it was worth it. In conversation with HR it was mentioned that I was being considered for a training support position with a salary I never ever thought I would earn again in my life. It was almost what I was making when I got laid off from Avaya. I was shocked and excited. This would change our life for sure... if Jason and I both worked full time, we would be back to where we were income-wise before we both lost out jobs. It felt surreal and like God to bring something like to this TO ME, after I had asked him to do it... Like, he straight up had answered this prayer.

I was scheduled for an interview on that Wednesday, the 10th.

I went to Goodwill on Tuesday and bought a Liz Claiborne skirt and brown pumps. I found Jason's late uncle's crisp white shirt and tried it on (it fit - little Czech people :) ). I got my outfit figured out, hung it up on the door frame, and let the butterflies start compounding.

Wednesday morning, I walked into that ginormous building and went through a grueling three hour interview. Part of the interview included creating a presentation based on whatever business somethingeruther I could drum up... I chose call quality and made a five slide presentation in 45 minutes and did a 15-20 minute presentation on it (digging deep here, people!) which I felt really good about. Then I was questioned for another hour and a half by the lady who would be my boss and then by her boss... it was very intense and I was asked some very hard questions. I was asked at one point to critique each person in the room ... yeah... ... asked to sell myself unashamedly... I had to do all of that and then some. I had to work at the restaurant later that day and I was completely worn out. I hoped that what I gave them in three hours was worth something and let it go.

I received a call promptly on Thursday offering me the position at the full salary option with benefits starting day one. 

I got light headed.

I called Jason. Then my Mom. Then my Dad. Then my mother-in-law. Then my boss. 

It was happening. This was really happening. Life was about to change. All that we had hoped for was about to become a reality. All that we had struggled for, and hoped for, about to happen. All of our financial goals - not a pipe dream. About to become reality. I just couldn't believe this had come to me. 

The only downer was that because Jason and I would be working in the same basic area, due to conflict of interest we had to choose between us who was going to accept their offer. Naturally since my job was going to be better for the family, we chose for me to go, and I think Jason felt released - not offended. Our level of trust in God has become so that we don't really worry. I have had my moments wishing it were both of us going to work full time, as the week that he received his offer, his temporary assignment doing the carpentry job was completed, and now he is out of work (though his Mom has graciously provided an opportunity for him to earn money building a fence for her). But the HR contact sent his information on to a business partner who competes with them for talent, and there is the chance Jason will be able to pick up a job doing carpentry with a friend, and there is a lot of positive activity happening with the start up he is working for on commission... so who knows what God is doing? Another investment is coming in here in the next couple of weeks that he will get a commission on... so many great things, we are just going to trust. I have had my moments of worrying and feeling like my bubble got a little burst with him not working full time also as that still sets us back a little until we are able to really start paying down our debt... but again... I have to trust. 

There are so many wonderful things and signs that this is God's providence. The childcare we have for our kids is amazing. Literally the lady caring for our kids lives in our neighborhood and is so affordable, and has a degree in Early Childhood Education. The kids adore her. I can walk to work too which is such a wonderful thing, given that most people in Atlanta commute 30-45 minutes to their jobs. I can take lunch breaks, walk into the woods and sit on a mossy green rock overlooking the creek. I can explore trail running after work if I bring my shoes... And, to top it off, when I gave my two weeks notice at the restaurant, the maitre d' that had worked there when I first started and left to go to school had just asked my boss to come back and pick up shifts... so I had no one to train and my boss didn't have to worry about hiring and training another maitre d' - a blessing to him and to me. It just felt like every detail being taken care of was bringing me more and more peace and assurance that this was God's hand in this. 

My first day is Monday, April 29th. 

On March 24th (the weekend after Jason had the first two interviews), during Night of Worship at church, a lady got up toward the end of the service to give a word. She said she saw a bulb (like a flower bulb) all shriveled up... so much life and potential in that bulb just waiting to come forth, and there was someone (US) who saw themselves as the bulb, feeling like we had so many dreams and hopes that would never come to life... that the Winter season we had been in had been so intense and long that we wondered when it would ever end. The word was that the season is almost over. "Rise up, man of God", "Rise up, woman of God" - the season is almost over and God has used this season to shape you for your destiny. The life is about to come forth that you've dreamed of.

I can only hope that this is the beginning of the answer to that dreaming. A step in the many steps that we have to take to reach that place. A place that God will carry us to. Indeed, he has brought us this far. He will finish the work.

at 6 am on a Wednesday...

Well, it's not actually 6am. I lie. It's 6:12 and I am just starting this post, so by the time I'm done, I reckon it will be somewhere closer to 7am but who really cares about these details... I am still waking up and stuff so just bear with me.

I am not normally up at this hour though I aspire to be an early riser... to get in just another hour of alone time to do things like work on my blog or my shop. Or just take a shower in the morning before "work" like a normal person instead of squeezing one in at like twenty minutes before it's time for me to leave for work... like, actually leave. Which I have learned I can do - shower, get dressed, blow dry my hair, etc in fifteen minutes flat. Miraculous.

No, no. The reason I am up so early is because my husband secured a job (albeit temporary but what else is new) where he'll be doing carpentry type work making a decent wage which hopefully will turn into something "permanent-ish". Today is his first day, and he has to be at work at 7AM... and he has to make a 45 minute drive to get there, so I decided to get up with him and try to start having some quiet time in the morning (read: not necessarily quiet time in the Christianese sense). At this point in our lives I am not one to really get my hopes up about anything. It seems to be the norm for us that Jason has a job for merely weeks... we get our hopes up that this is the new normal, and then the bottom falls out and we're back at square one again. 

The truth is we have it so much better than other people in our situation... and we were talking about this just last night. For us, the problem is and has always been lack of perspective. The last five years have seen the ruin of many families as a result of the economic downturn. Our story is very similar in many ways to the stories of others. I had a corporate job where I'd worked for nine years, making $60K a year with full benefits, working from home. Jason had a secure job as well with a stable insurance company and he also worked from home. We had a comfortable but modest home in the 'burbs. We were on Dave Ramsey's plan getting debt paid off by thousands each month, still taking vacations, making modifications to our home with cash, going shipping, eating well, etc. Very gradually all of that disappeared, including the house. When my job went, I saw it as an opportunity to explore a different means of income for myself. I was idealistic and naive. I didn't realize what was coming. Jason and I thought we could make it through anything and emerge unscathed, the effects of having less really affecting no aspect of our relationship or quality of our home life. Then his job went and he had no ability to collect unemployment. Suddenly we went from an income of $7-$8K per month to less that $1500. Um, yeah. So it started to get bad. Then, paying the mortgage went to the back burner. Then, everything else started to heat up... long time readers will remember... 

So we joined the ranks of the unfortunate millions who lost everything that was "normal" to join the new normal which looks like this: many parents working two and three jobs, like ships passing in the night, have kids in daycare, have lost their homes, are on food stamps and Medicaid, have bills that stay past due (just pay the past due every month to keep stuff on), keep the resume updated looking for that next big break so that they can go back to the old normal. The thing is we have never really had it hard. It felt really hard at times but on paper, it wasn't in comparison to others. When we almost lost our house we got to move into a place where we could live rent-free until we could get on our feet. Who gets that!? No one. We knew we would never face homelessness or hunger. I heard about a mother from a friend who works for a local homeless ministry in town who showed up at a shelter with her three children, having just lost her home, unable to find work, she found herself homeless with three children and no support system. I cannot imagine. This keeps it in perspective for me. Jason and I were talking about this last night. 

There are so many men (and women) who would die to have a full time job, even temporarily. The reality of it is that this is how many American families have to do things... and they don't have the extreme privilege of living somewhere rent free to get back on their feet. Jason has been working the side-gig as a sort of investment broker and has really high hopes for the company he has been working for to really take off, and I am with him on that, but we can't put our financial future on hold waiting. I think it grieves him to have such limited flexibility now with his schedule but the fact that his hours are 7AM to 3:30PM could not be more ideal, because it gives him the time to make phone calls and possibly schedule a late afternoon meeting if he needed to. Letting go and trusting God with his efforts to make something happen with the side work he has been doing as an investment broker is hard for Jason. He really wants to spend time on the stuff that will help our family long term, but he has to give that up to help our family achieve its long term goals via Plan B. The truth is, many men in this country don't have a Plan A like Jason has ... this opportunity to raise capital for this company and be compensated for it and have a white collar job later is not something he ever dreamed he'd have the chance of doing. Letting go and trusting God with the outcome of all of his efforts is super hard for him right now, but knowing that God is seriously taking care of us through the hands and hearts of friends near and far, shows us that we are in his hands and that he is truly taking care of us and providing for our needs. 

For example... just in the last six weeks... a $1,000 check arrived in the mail from a friend I have seen in many many moons right after Christmas, when we were down to NOTHING. A $100 bill handed to me via an anonymous donor at church on Sunday, when we were down again to NOTHING. Opportunities to make money between jobs that took care of all of our needs to pay bills and feed the family and put gas in cars...

I sent this pic to Jason after this was handed to me on Sunday.

God has provided for us. In miraculous ways. And he will continue to do so. He knows our needs. The only thing that has prevented me from seeing this and trusting has been worry. Worrying hasn't changed anything at all. He has still provided even in the midst of this worry and fear. I am trying to trust... trying to believe. 

We have this "plan" which means he works 40 hours a week making a certain amount... we pay our bills and have money to live on. Then whatever I make is butter... we put each paycheck towards debt/savings and over time if NOTHING CHANGES we get back out of debt and can save something.... get our credit cleaned up, on our feet, etc. 

We are having to start something ELSE new today as well which is put the kids in daycare for a little bit. On the days that I have to work, my hours will overlap with Jason's hours. Since we need to keep my job in order to achieve our goals, we've been in search of a daycare/home care situation to be able to drop the little kids off for a few hours until Daddy gets home. The beautiful thing is we were able to find just that right here in our neighborhood!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am that I just have to walk my kids down the street and they are in the care of a super sweet lady who has super affordable prices. Add to this fact that Jason is able to get off early enough to get Dakota picked up so he doesn't have to ride the bus ... or if he can't get him picked up, this lady's husband has a transportation service where he could pick Dakota up if needed... it's just all very comforting to me as a mother. I am a little anxious about it but overall feeling good and thankful for an ideal situation such as this. 

When I sat down this morning I really had no idea where this post was going. But here I am. I just ask for your prayers - even just little ones - for grace as we transition into this new schedule. On the days I work (3-4 days a week) I won't see Jason at all except in the early morning and late at night when I get home from work. Pray for our relationship. Pray for my kids. I really hope also that this would be a consistent and reliable job for Jason, and that he would see God's hand in it, and that we would be able to reach a deeper level of trust in the Lord for all that he is doing and continues to do in our lives. 

Also please pray that we sell the Suburban we just bought. Jason totaled the Subaru a couple weeks ago and we were able to buy a family-friendly truck in it's place, and now we are trying to sell the Suburban so we can get a more gas-efficient vehicle for him to drive to and from work in. 

That is all. Thanks for reading. 

rocky top, you'll always be...

Last weekend, my little family joined all my aunts, their husbands, and my cousin and Grandmama for what is becoming our annual post-Christmas Christmas gathering. We went to this same cabin last year - The Old Mill at Dry Creek - near Smithville, Tennessee. You can read more about our travels to this wonderful place last January 2012 trip here and our Memorial Day trip here and here. 

After our trip, we swung through Camp Bethel in Waynesville, which is about 30-40 minutes West of Asheville, to spend the night with our friends The Stiggins and spend a little time with Richard. His lovely wife Karen was in an unfortunate accident riding the previous Thursday when their Polaris slid down the mountainside with Karen in it. It eventually rolled over Karen and she sustained some pretty significant injuries. Thankfully she was able to come home after a few days and we were able to see her before we left. We are praying for her quick recovery.  You can read more about Camp Bethel and previous trips here and here. We absolutely adore these people, their hearts, their true joy, life, and freedom they demonstrate can be had through living as Jesus asked us to live - sacrifically and for the well being of others. We love them and cannot wait to return. Of course, we were too busy visiting for me to get any photos this time.

As usual the Stiggins sent us home with something harvested from their land. This time it was about ten pounds of ground beef from the cows they raised last year. 

Here are photos from our trip.