what the Proverbs 31 woman doesn't tell you...

This was my dining room table yesterday afternoon around 2:15PM. 

This picture perfectly captures the struggle of the day to day for us mothers who both work and stay at home with our children... trying to meet their needs and keep them challenged and creative while trying to keep our households and business affairs in order.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed the last few days... there are so many irons on the fire here at our house. 

I have been working every day this week. I leave at 3, so I try to pack as much as I can get done into the morning/early afternoon hours. 

The house is a mess. We've done the laundry but it never got folded. The floors are horrendously dirty and need a sweep and hand mop. The bathroom needs cleaning. The bedrooms need cleaning. 

Kids need baths. 

My oldest son has been having a pretty rough week and we discovered that he was already failing two classes, and it appears that he is having a hard time adjusting to middle school. I have mentioned this before but for those who don't know, he is most definitely on the Spectrum, most likely Asperger's... we treat severe distractability and impulsivity with med used to treat ADHD... and it appears he is really not adjusting to all the additional sensory and logistical changes. This has been a big stressor this week, making calls to teachers and counselors, to Dakota's dad, and to the homeschool people, trying to decide how to "solve" this particular problem. 

Taxes are coming due.

Jason has some really big possibilities coming up with work...

I have my shop to think about - so much inventory to add and no time. Trying to find a balance with that...

And Bethel - Jason and I started a 2 year intensive Bible study called Bethel and we have soooo much reading to do... getting up at 6:00AM is just going to have to become the new normal... even earlier probably, to get it all done.

I feel like working less will solve the issues with Dakota in some way. I need to be home with him more so I can help him after school. I feel so disconnected from him and when there is all this struggle I really want to be there as much as I can. 

Just feeling a little overwhelmed with everything on my plate right now... as a mother, as a wife... as a homemaker. In every way. 

What the Proverbs 31 woman doesn't tell you is that she has to get up before the sun comes up because there's just not enough time to get anything done!

so, Dakota DOESN'T have Asperger's??

Yeah, so that's what the psychiatrist at the Marcus Autism Center said today... what!?!?

Late last year we were offered an evaluation at Brain Balance in Peachtree City to have Dakota tested for whatever neurological stuff was ailing him. You can read that post here. He was given every diagnostic test under the sun to determine whether "it" was high-functioning autism, Asperger's syndrome, ADHD (well, we knew that part), or something else. Brain Balance also did a sensory-motor and cognitive evaluation to determine how certain centers of the brain functioned. It was very thorough. The thing is, they are technically not a diagnostic facility. They basically do those tests and then tell you this, and leave you to draw your own conclusions, which for us was a definitive diagnosis of him being Asperger's. I have felt for many years that this was "the problem", because every description of Asperger's seemed to describe my son. There were some aspects of it that didn't seem to match up... but overall it hit the nail on the head. The other thing is on his GADS (Gilliam Asperger's Disorder Scale) he scored a 113, and "definite" for Asperger's is 80+. What!?

So I guess this guy, one of the psychiatrists at the Marcus Autism Center - who I am assuming sees many - possibly hundreds of kids - each week, knows when he sees autism spectrum disorders and when he doesn't. We spent an hour with him. He reviewed all the test results we got back from Brain Balance. Then he asked Dakota if he could sit in the waiting room while he and I talked. 

Then this doctor began to explain to me that the primary indicator for an autism spectrum disorder is an inability to empathize and/or read and respond appropriately to others' emotions and moods (or something like that). And clearly, Dakota does not have that problem. For example, all throughout the meeting Dakota was extremely sensitive to what was said about him and to my moods and facial expressions... He also explained that there have been some studies done recently on kids who are severe ADHD but have minimal brain dysfunction or some sensory issues coming up with high scores on the GADS and GARS (Gilliam Autism Rating Scale). To cut to the chase, he diagnosed Dakota as being severely ADHD with anxiety disorder and minimal brain dysfunction... and blamed the anxiety disorder for the irritability, argumentativeness, and anger issues. This all makes sense to me, for sure. And he is a worry wart who hates his routine and predictability upset or disturbed, and will pester me to death to be sure things aren't going to change on him... it is much harder for him to roll with the punches without having a meltdown or crying spell. The list goes on... and on... and on....

What has been recommended at this point is that Dakota have an EKG and that we consider him taking a medication usually prescribed for blood pressure called Tenex, now being used off-label for anxiety, which is a "safer" alternative to neurologically affecting drugs like Prozac or Zoloft. Frankly if the doctor had recommended any of the latter drugs, I might be concerned... however, since Tenex from what I can tell has less side effects and is actually physiologically affecting with the side effect of lowering anxiety. I am willing to try it. It's also been recommended that we try family therapy, and try to get Dakota into a social skills group - both of which I have been wanting to do. I am hoping some of this will be covered by his insurance. 

Sooo... I am not sure how I feel about this, except I guess maybe I am a little relieved that Asperger's is not necessarily the issue. And that possibly medication will help to take the edge off ... and help him to roll with things a little better, which I believe will help him in school next year and most definitely help here at home, as we learn different strategies of parenting him, and working through the positive changes this should bring about. He will still be taking Concerta, which keeps the impulsivity at bay, but adds to his irritability. 

Dakota is relieved too in some ways... and though he is a little frustrated at the thought of taking more medication, he is open to the idea that this is something that is going to make him - who is a Very Good Thing - even better and help him in the long run. I just want my son to be happy, healthy, and contribute positively to society - to find something that he loves to do and really DO it. 

So here's to hoping we're on to something... your prayers would be appreciated... and if any of you out there know anything about Tenex and it's effectiveness, I'd be curious to learn your experience with it. 

Much love,

Brooke