heightened senses

I haven't had a job where I worked outside of the home since August 2006. At that time I was promoted and given the opportunity to work from home instead of having to go into the office everyday, which I did for three years for the corporation I worked for at the time, until September 2009 when I was laid off. Shiloh was 13 months when that happened and I had been back to work since she was three months old. I managed to keep my work done and be present for all calls, be at my desk working and still manage her care. I am not sure how I did it, except I knew it couldn't go on much longer by the time they laid me off. A crying baby being heard on a conference call is not very professional.

My husband started a job working from home also in August 2007. He worked from home from then until late July 2010. So, we've all been at home, together for pretty much the last five years of our almost six year marriage. Always with our children, always taking care of them. Always around each other. And we have a generally harmonious relationship, in case you're wondering. It didn't bother us to be around each other so much. We really like each other.

Shiloh at her "un-birthday" at school earlier this month

So, I haven't really been away from my husband or my kids much in a good long while. Since Noah was born I haven't done any work except starting this blog and my vintage shop on Etsy and occasional cake jobs. 

I love my job. The staff at Table and Main are great, the restaurant is excellent in both service and food and I am so proud to be a part of it. It gives me the opportunity to provide for my family and on a much more superficial (but maybe not so superficial) note, requires me to get dressed and put makeup on, the latter being a very rare occurrence unless it's Sunday or I am going out... or to work as of late. 

I won't lie though. I really miss my kids. 

Noah and Shiloh in the double stroller for the Inman Park Festival

The other night, a couple was in with their 15 month old little daughter. It's rare to see kids at the restaurant. If people come there who happen to have kids, they are probably leaving them with a sitter, because Table and Main is just so good, they wouldn't want to rush the experience. I don't blame them. I often stand at the host stand gazing longingly upon the fried chicken and absurdly delicious collard greens strongly desiring to go out to dinner with my husband, drink bourbon and wine and eat heartily as well until they kick us out. But alas, I am dreaming.

But back to the cute 15 month old... gosh she was darling. She was trying to jump and showing off just like my little Noah Bear does... and it reminded me of him, and my heart just melted as I thought about Daddy getting to get some snuggles and put him to bed... his soft, sweet, honey blonde hair wrapped around his fingers as Daddy rubs the nape of his neck to soothe him to sleep. Oh how I miss that.

So I guess they say that when one sense goes down, the other four go into a heightened state.

And as a mother, I feel that I have entered a heightened state of awareness of the preciousness, tenderness and beauty of my children, and my time with them. 

Bedtime routines seem more sacred. Diaper changes more treasured than before... Sweet snuggles in the night from my daughter as she climbs into bed are more welcome, and accompanied by a tighter hug than usual and a reminder that she is my girl and that I love her so. More patience with Dakota... more willingness to actually listen to him describe every detail of his video game to me. More hugs, more kisses, more quiet correction. Cracking the bedroom door in the mornings to see my blue eyed darling baby boy see me, light up and bounce in his bed in excitement to see the Mama that he last saw when she put him down for his afternoon nap... as he proceeds to tell her in his still incomprehensible baby talk to give his Bear a kiss, and to talk to me about Dinosaurs, and how he wants his ba-ba. 

This heightened sense of this irreplaceable time, the sweetness and tenderness of these children, their value to me has taken over and invaded my life. And that is okay. 

You know, I felt guilt going out on my own for Mother's Day. I really just wanted to be with my kids. This is kind of new-ish... I might not have felt that before I got this job.

Noah was making this face in the car, bobbing his head to Jamiroquoi the other day. We were cracking up!

I have taken for granted in the past how fleeting this season is. Maybe this is what I needed... a swift kick in the pants... my reality upset... to be the one to enthusiastically say I want to put Noah to bed tonight, and taking the time to rock him when he normally wouldn't even need it... to snuggle a little longer with my girl at bedtime, to tuck Dakota in, to give him more grace and choose my battles even more consciously... to plan my days out a bit better to ensure we have quality time together before I have to go to work (something I need to do better). 

I love my babies. <3