ugh.

Andrew Charlesworth - windblown tree in the Yorkshire Dales, England

Right now, I am just swollen up with tears.

I feel like I am stretched out over a quilting rack getting poked and prodded and picked.

So many collection calls, the bank transferring money to the stupid VISA card without asking me, when I need that recently-blessed-with money to pay actually IMPORTANT bills... having to explain to the lady on the phone why I am upset that they did that, why I dodged the five calls she made to me when I had no money to give her, just makes me recount the whole story of why...

Feeling stretched as a mom, trying to help Dakota get caught up on school, bathe the kids after Noah was found playing in the toilet while I was on the phone with said bank and Daddy wasn't watching, feed them breakfast and then I turn around and its time to feed them lunch, give them things to do that aren't TV (read: they are watching TV all day, I feel guilty), keep the stupid dog with diarrhea outside when she asks to go every five minutes, keep the meltdowns at bay when I decline Shiloh a piece of candy when she asks every five minutes... I am still wearing no bra (like I need one), still in my pajamas, haven't brushed my teeth in two days, haven't folded laundry in two weeks, feeling gross, ugly, and like a horrible mother.

Feeling stretched about the increasingly shortened time frame we have to get out of our house and into the town house... we've had so many offers to help with paint (our parents are awesome), I think we can get all that we need, but there is still a ton of drywall work that needs to be done, and a paint sprayer to be obtained... no phone calls made yet to obtain said help or paint sprayer... time is drawing near... I want to be in there by the weekend before Christmas, just hoping, and I just don't think it's going to happen or if it does it'll be cutting it really close.

Add to the mix my daughter's surgery on December 7th. She has a large congenital nevus on her back that she had partially removed in August, and the second surgery is the 7th... she may need a third - that week will be a total wash to care for her during recovery... not to mention my baby girl going under again... just freaks me out.

So much to do. So much to pack. So many needs to be met. So much information I hold that I'm the only one they want to talk to, so many calls to be made, so many people wanting money... so many irons on the fire. I am tripping here people. I really feel like I am going to lose it today. I really do.

Just pray for me.