one foot in front of the other and what that looks like today.

Hi. So, maybe today is a little better. I thought I better try to write this blog post now, and get it over with, before my two little ones wake up and take over again. I just grabbed a glass of water and a Flintstone vitamin, so I should be good to go. I'm a high roller on the nutritionals these days, people!

I'm tired. And I'm stressed out. Parenting is just hard, and add to it all the madness that comes with life right now and it's no wonder the crows feet and parentheses are beginning to reveal themselves. Today I am just coping. It's a one-foot-in-front-of-the-other kind of day... there was so much to get done - most of it just paperwork -  and I didn't have time to think about how bad I didn't want to drag the baby and Shiloh in and out of car seats twenty times just to get a small thing done here or there. I just needed to do it, and apologize later for the whirlwind about me and for my kids taking over whatever space we were in at that time.

Here's my day so far...

• Alarm goes off at 6:20am, realize that Jason's alarm is not going off at the same time... this means no snoozing for me, since I am pretty much Jason's alarm clock even if his alarm is on... 
• Somehow, I hit snooze three times. We are supposed to be out of bed at 6:30. It's 6:50. Jump up with the baby on one hip, Shiloh trailing behind. 
• Rush into Dakota's room, get his clothes out, coax him out of bed, and I actually dress him myself, put his shoes on for him - the whole deal. Normally he takes 20 minutes to get dressed and brush his teeth. Mama gets him dressed and ready in 5.
• I still haven't put my glasses on.
• Jason gets Dakota's lunch ready. I do his breakfast. He's sitting and eating by 7:05. They have to leave at 7:15. Jason has it under control... 
• Go upstairs, take Shiloh potty. Change Noah's diaper (aka wrestling a wet cat). 
• Get Shiloh dressed, chase Noah and try to keep him from crawling DOWN the stairs.
• Dress Noah (aka wrestling a wet cat).
• Shiloh in high chair, sprouted bread toast made and served. 
• I still haven't put my glasses on.
• Noah's bottle made, I run upstairs and grab my glasses. We sit on the couch and I give him some of his bottle. He is not really that interested. It's 7:45.
• Put Noah in chair, give him some cereal. 
• Run upstairs, get dressed. Come downstairs, check email and blogger after my crazy lady post last night, receive encouraging a loving word from my cousin Laura. 
• Realize I have a bunch of paperwork I have to bring to the WIC appointment. It's 8:10, I need to get this stuff together. 
• With baby on hip make twenty (ok I am exaggerating) trips up and down garage steps to dig through files and piles of unemployment letters, tax stuff, Medicaid/Food Stamp mailings, Social Security card/birth certificates, mortgage crap... Realize I have organized this stuff already, thank myself and stuff it into an accordion file.
• Load the bags. Load the kids. It's 8:30, I am running late for my 8:45 appointment.
• Get to the Health Dept. Long story short of it... kids unleashed in waiting room while I fill out more stacks of paperwork. Shiloh being over protective of Noah starts to meltdown on how she doesn't want anyone touching Noah. Borderline discipline-deserving sort of breakdown... I keep it together and after waiting ten years they call me in. Oh did I mention that when they called me in I was in the middle of wrestling my wet cat out of a dirty diaper on the linoleum waiting room floor?
• Go in - same dietician who helped me last time and knows a lot about the stuff I know about diet and autism/Aspergers/is a lactation consultant/bf mom, etc is the same one I get this time. We have inspiring convo and she gives me the copies of the recipes I wanted from the book she loaned me last time I went in there. I get Shiloh back on WIC, and Noah stays on. 
• It's 10AM. I leave with a new WIC folder and stacks of vouchers. Get the kids strapped in... grab my keys... and somehow the keys to the truck have fallen off. Little dilemma - do I leave the kids strapped in in the parking lot and run in, or drag them out again. Well, I left them, with the door open... don't judge me.
• Couldn't find them inside, so came back out, digging through the abyss aka my purse, I find the two small GM keys... relieved.
• I leave to drive Shiloh to preschool. Get there, drop her off without incident. I breathe. 
• Come home, Noah is tired. Put him to bed, back on the computer, checking all my crap... no sales, no emails, no response from the lady who said she wanted to buy Jason's bow (we really need that money)... time to do piles of paperwork and more digging for information.
• Food stamp renewal application that came in the mail requires proof of citizenship for Jason, declaration of citizenship for Shiloh and Noah and for Jason's mom to fill out something since she gave him side work... gotta get that to her, gotta make copies of the babies' SS cards, gotta find Jason's passport... where is Jason's passport? So begins a digging and searching for all these documents.
• Mortgage/Short Sale paperwork requires tax returns and tons of stuff signed. More digging, more scribbling of my name and signing my life away. 
• Time to pick Shiloh up rapidly approaches. Noah is unraveling and tired. Oh yeah, he pooped two more times! I'm gonna be one strong mama before he grows out of diapers! Change him again, gather all the paperwork I needed to go to the UPS Store and ship the FedEx package to the mortgage company. Wrap brooch I need to ship and tie on a ribbon, add a tag, write a note... all is ready. It's getting late...
• Load the baby, go sit in the carpool line. It's 1PM. 
• Shiloh is picked up. She is uncomfortable and hot. Gotta run to the UPS Store, make copies and send faxes. She starts whining. She wants nuggets and fries. Sorry kid, I got $15 to my name, and it ain't going to Chik-fil-a today.
• Get to the store. The children take over as I begin sorting what needs to be faxed and what needs to be copied. I realize I've forgotten the kids Social Security cards which means I will have to come back yet again. Totally frustrating! 
• Noah is opening paper drawers on copiers. Shiloh is rearranging the kids table and books and moving furniture. Noah ends up behind the counter. Oh yeah did I mention they have a greeting card tower that goes alllllll the way down to the floor? Need I say more?
• Get kids back in car. Shiloh starts saying she's hot again, but doesn't want the A/C on. She said she doesn't want her hair to blow? WHAHH? I don't understand? A/C or windows - which one? She unravels out of frustration in a full blown melt down. This becomes not about the A/C but not wanting to go home and not wanting to go to bed... and keeps going and growing in intensity. Screaming ensues. I pray not to lose my temper.
• Get home, get the cards, get back on the road, have to pull over to deal with Shiloh. Back to UPS Store. I park in handicapped spot, lock the car running with the A/C on, and go in to deal with all the crap I couldn't get done because I forgot stuff. Ship brooch so I don't have to go to Post Office. Relish in a moment of quiet with two other adults, even if they are the UPS Store ladies. One of them keeps calling me "baby" and gosh that feels good.
• I bring Shiloh a peace offering in form of a peppermint. She says she is too little for candy and crumples it up in her hand. Asks me for a snack and if she can "watch something" when she gets home. It's 2:11. I can't do that. Meltdown # 2 ensues. I just ignore her. 
• Run across the street. Drop FedEx package in drop box. Back mammoth Suburban up beside shiny custom motorcycle and imagine owner looking out the window cussing at me wondering if I am going to hit his bike. We are outside of an insurance office, even if I did.
• Noah somehow falls asleep, Shiloh is in a full lung scream. Go figure.
• Get home, put her in the bedroom, close the door. I hear thuds and screams. Good times! At least Noah goes back to sleep without a fight. 
• Deal with Shiloh, she goes to sleep. It's 2:30. Have I eaten today? Time to clean up the mess I made earlier, eat a gluten free donut and drink some coffee, and figure out where my head went... and it's 5:00 already!? The witching hour has begun.... wish me luck...
• And I think I'll add, for the third time in two days, I have spent 30 minutes on hold with the people who can tell me something about the stupid food stamp situation. I am beginning to think no one works there. At least today at 5:00, after sitting on hold THIS time for 24 minutes and 51 seconds, that is was 5:00 and so sorry, the office is closed for the day. 

Not sure what I'm feeding the kids for dinner tonight... might be spaghetti again, at least I have ground beef in the freezer, and I should be able to make a kale salad... seee! All that is healthy... I guess. It's not all that bad.

(GASP) oh God, help me. I just remembered Dakota has a project due tomorrow that I have to help him with!!! Oh God... and it's a cookie cake, and I didn't buy the gluten free cookie mix or fondant for it!?

What have I done to myself!?

Gotta go load the kids up in the truck... go pick up Dakota, get home and figure out dinner and figure out how I am going to do this cookie cake!! Lord... help me....