who are you?

...you know, like one of those boxes on a Facebook profile info page, or Myspace, or whatever... "About Me"... it begs to be filled out, but where do you start? I have always had a hard time with these sections... I mean, who am I really? What do I want you to know "about me"? I spent a lot of time developing that section of this blog... thinking about it... thinking about what YOU might want to know about me... and what I found was that you ultimately want to know whether or not you can relate to me. What do I do in my spare time? What do I love and long for? What are my struggles? What are my fears? I've found that bloggers I am drawn to are those with similar stories or backgrounds to mine, where I want to see how their lives have played out or are playing out, or bloggers with what appear to be gloriously beautiful lives by all appearances, and tend to be folks I wonder about... who are they and how did they get to where they are? And why do I seem so much less cool than they are? I mean, I thought I was cool.

What has led me to this rant are a couple of random and totally insignificant events that took place over the last few days that aren't even worth describing. Both led me to a discussion with my husband this morning on the way up to work on our old house. Something I have a hard time with in general - no matter where I encounter it - including within myself - is how people define themselves by the things they do, what they're "into", what they wear, what they eat and how they eat it, where they work... these totally external things seem to bear so much weight on our identity when WHO WE ARE has very little to do with those things. I am not sure if this is just the evolution of the mind and the spirit that gets stunted because of the daily stresses of life, American culture, or what, but for me personally, it is a constant struggle - the line between my Persona and my Self - that being that cannot be put into words. The struggle is that I SEE with my eyes these things that surround other people - friends with beautiful homes, gardens, wide spaces and landscapes in front of them, great style, a great life, and I judge a person based on those external things. And then I think, well if I were able to do any of those things, then maybe I would feel better about WHO I AM... and that's when I step back and realize how much I sometimes hate exposing myself to so much in the media - it is the beginning of comparison, which is the beginning of death, the external cutting to the heart of the internal, and the two shouldn't even be so heavily hinged upon one another. And I hate feeling this way... and I don't HAVE to feel this way, because WHO I AM can exist and be fruitful and full of life and interesting without needing anything outside to embellish it. 

I just know so many crunchy ladies - including myself - who are onto this diet or that, this trend or that, today it's raw food, gluten free, raw milk, sewing this, crafting that, thrifting, cloth diapering, etc etc... the list goes on... Everybody is so INTO these things, including myself, and when we talk about who we are, is that our immediate reference point? When you say who you are, do you say, "I am a raw vegan, raw milk drinkin', thrifting mother of three"? This is what I struggle with - that is not who I am... I am trying to figure out who I am, and constantly trying to define myself by external things brings me so much frustration and unhappiness. It leads to comparison, and that does not usually end well. It is one thing to want to share your interests in the interests of connecting with people and I definitely do see the value in that - I have done that - and do that - but am I making any sense people?

I am thinking on this today... the inner turmoil I feel is right... it's good that I am having this struggle... it means that I am on to something - it's totally natural for me to want to know who I am and what I mean to the world... I am smack dab in the middle of Erikson's Stage 6 (20s to 40s)!

Erikson Stage 6. Young adulthood (20's to 40 years)
Psychosocial Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation
Ego Quality: Love
Main Question: "Am I loved and wanted?"
Young adults are still eager to blend their identities with friends. They want to fit in. But now they need to be prepared for intimacy, a close personal relationship, and isolation, the fact of being alone and separated from others. Who do I want to be with or date, what am I going to do with my life? Will I settle down? This stage has begun to last longer as young adults choose to stay in school or further education and not settle. A balance between intimacy and isolation makes love possible as we must know how to be alone in order to learn to truly love. This will also help in the later stages when unwelcome or unexpected isolation surfaces, for example, the death of a spouse or forced retirement.

And then I turn to Jung to explain things a little better...

Persona

The persona is also the mask or appearance one presents to the world. It is not a pose or some other intentional misrepresentation of the self to others. Rather, it is the self as self-construed, and may change according to situation and context.

Individuation

According to Jungian psychology, individuation is the process of transforming one’s psyche by bringing the personal and collective unconscious into conscious.

Individuation has a holistic healing effect on the person, both mentally and physically.

Individuation is a process of psychological differentiation, having for its goal the development of the individual personality. “In general, it is the process by which individual beings are formed and differentiated; in particular, it is the development of the psychological individual as a being distinct from the general, collective psychology.” 

Besides achieving physical and mental health, people who have advanced towards individuation, they tend to become harmonious, mature, responsible, they promote freedom and justice and have a good understanding about the workings of human nature and the universe. 

Self

In Jungian theory, the Self is one of several archetypes. It signifies the coherent whole, unifying both the consciousness and unconscious mind of a person.

The Self, according to Jung, is realized as the product of individuation, which is defined as the process of integrating one’s personality. For Jung, the self is symbolized by the circle (especially when divided into four quadrants), the square, or the mandala.

What distinguishes Jungian psychology from previous iterations is the idea that there are two centers of the personality. The ego is the center of conscious identity, whereas the Self is the center of the total personality–including consciousness, the unconscious, and the ego.

The Self is both the whole and the center. While the ego is a self-contained little circle off the center contained within the whole, the Self can be understood as the greater circle. 

Does any of this make sense, people?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Love Brooke

PS: Jung stuff found here and here, respectively