at 6 am on a Wednesday...

Well, it's not actually 6am. I lie. It's 6:12 and I am just starting this post, so by the time I'm done, I reckon it will be somewhere closer to 7am but who really cares about these details... I am still waking up and stuff so just bear with me.

I am not normally up at this hour though I aspire to be an early riser... to get in just another hour of alone time to do things like work on my blog or my shop. Or just take a shower in the morning before "work" like a normal person instead of squeezing one in at like twenty minutes before it's time for me to leave for work... like, actually leave. Which I have learned I can do - shower, get dressed, blow dry my hair, etc in fifteen minutes flat. Miraculous.

No, no. The reason I am up so early is because my husband secured a job (albeit temporary but what else is new) where he'll be doing carpentry type work making a decent wage which hopefully will turn into something "permanent-ish". Today is his first day, and he has to be at work at 7AM... and he has to make a 45 minute drive to get there, so I decided to get up with him and try to start having some quiet time in the morning (read: not necessarily quiet time in the Christianese sense). At this point in our lives I am not one to really get my hopes up about anything. It seems to be the norm for us that Jason has a job for merely weeks... we get our hopes up that this is the new normal, and then the bottom falls out and we're back at square one again. 

The truth is we have it so much better than other people in our situation... and we were talking about this just last night. For us, the problem is and has always been lack of perspective. The last five years have seen the ruin of many families as a result of the economic downturn. Our story is very similar in many ways to the stories of others. I had a corporate job where I'd worked for nine years, making $60K a year with full benefits, working from home. Jason had a secure job as well with a stable insurance company and he also worked from home. We had a comfortable but modest home in the 'burbs. We were on Dave Ramsey's plan getting debt paid off by thousands each month, still taking vacations, making modifications to our home with cash, going shipping, eating well, etc. Very gradually all of that disappeared, including the house. When my job went, I saw it as an opportunity to explore a different means of income for myself. I was idealistic and naive. I didn't realize what was coming. Jason and I thought we could make it through anything and emerge unscathed, the effects of having less really affecting no aspect of our relationship or quality of our home life. Then his job went and he had no ability to collect unemployment. Suddenly we went from an income of $7-$8K per month to less that $1500. Um, yeah. So it started to get bad. Then, paying the mortgage went to the back burner. Then, everything else started to heat up... long time readers will remember... 

So we joined the ranks of the unfortunate millions who lost everything that was "normal" to join the new normal which looks like this: many parents working two and three jobs, like ships passing in the night, have kids in daycare, have lost their homes, are on food stamps and Medicaid, have bills that stay past due (just pay the past due every month to keep stuff on), keep the resume updated looking for that next big break so that they can go back to the old normal. The thing is we have never really had it hard. It felt really hard at times but on paper, it wasn't in comparison to others. When we almost lost our house we got to move into a place where we could live rent-free until we could get on our feet. Who gets that!? No one. We knew we would never face homelessness or hunger. I heard about a mother from a friend who works for a local homeless ministry in town who showed up at a shelter with her three children, having just lost her home, unable to find work, she found herself homeless with three children and no support system. I cannot imagine. This keeps it in perspective for me. Jason and I were talking about this last night. 

There are so many men (and women) who would die to have a full time job, even temporarily. The reality of it is that this is how many American families have to do things... and they don't have the extreme privilege of living somewhere rent free to get back on their feet. Jason has been working the side-gig as a sort of investment broker and has really high hopes for the company he has been working for to really take off, and I am with him on that, but we can't put our financial future on hold waiting. I think it grieves him to have such limited flexibility now with his schedule but the fact that his hours are 7AM to 3:30PM could not be more ideal, because it gives him the time to make phone calls and possibly schedule a late afternoon meeting if he needed to. Letting go and trusting God with his efforts to make something happen with the side work he has been doing as an investment broker is hard for Jason. He really wants to spend time on the stuff that will help our family long term, but he has to give that up to help our family achieve its long term goals via Plan B. The truth is, many men in this country don't have a Plan A like Jason has ... this opportunity to raise capital for this company and be compensated for it and have a white collar job later is not something he ever dreamed he'd have the chance of doing. Letting go and trusting God with the outcome of all of his efforts is super hard for him right now, but knowing that God is seriously taking care of us through the hands and hearts of friends near and far, shows us that we are in his hands and that he is truly taking care of us and providing for our needs. 

For example... just in the last six weeks... a $1,000 check arrived in the mail from a friend I have seen in many many moons right after Christmas, when we were down to NOTHING. A $100 bill handed to me via an anonymous donor at church on Sunday, when we were down again to NOTHING. Opportunities to make money between jobs that took care of all of our needs to pay bills and feed the family and put gas in cars...

I sent this pic to Jason after this was handed to me on Sunday.

God has provided for us. In miraculous ways. And he will continue to do so. He knows our needs. The only thing that has prevented me from seeing this and trusting has been worry. Worrying hasn't changed anything at all. He has still provided even in the midst of this worry and fear. I am trying to trust... trying to believe. 

We have this "plan" which means he works 40 hours a week making a certain amount... we pay our bills and have money to live on. Then whatever I make is butter... we put each paycheck towards debt/savings and over time if NOTHING CHANGES we get back out of debt and can save something.... get our credit cleaned up, on our feet, etc. 

We are having to start something ELSE new today as well which is put the kids in daycare for a little bit. On the days that I have to work, my hours will overlap with Jason's hours. Since we need to keep my job in order to achieve our goals, we've been in search of a daycare/home care situation to be able to drop the little kids off for a few hours until Daddy gets home. The beautiful thing is we were able to find just that right here in our neighborhood!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am that I just have to walk my kids down the street and they are in the care of a super sweet lady who has super affordable prices. Add to this fact that Jason is able to get off early enough to get Dakota picked up so he doesn't have to ride the bus ... or if he can't get him picked up, this lady's husband has a transportation service where he could pick Dakota up if needed... it's just all very comforting to me as a mother. I am a little anxious about it but overall feeling good and thankful for an ideal situation such as this. 

When I sat down this morning I really had no idea where this post was going. But here I am. I just ask for your prayers - even just little ones - for grace as we transition into this new schedule. On the days I work (3-4 days a week) I won't see Jason at all except in the early morning and late at night when I get home from work. Pray for our relationship. Pray for my kids. I really hope also that this would be a consistent and reliable job for Jason, and that he would see God's hand in it, and that we would be able to reach a deeper level of trust in the Lord for all that he is doing and continues to do in our lives. 

Also please pray that we sell the Suburban we just bought. Jason totaled the Subaru a couple weeks ago and we were able to buy a family-friendly truck in it's place, and now we are trying to sell the Suburban so we can get a more gas-efficient vehicle for him to drive to and from work in. 

That is all. Thanks for reading.