what I've learned: reflections on a year of blogging

It's almost 7AM. I am sitting here somewhat blank -- not sure why, I guess maybe this isn't the post I want to be writing at this hour. Yesterday we went on a little teeny hike with all the babies on their feet instead of in packs, and I really want to share those photos and those words. But alas, this post has been in the works for days inside my head, and I fear if I don't get it out soon, I am going to lose it. And I have the time now. And so it goes. 

September of last year... not long after I started this blog. 

So.... blogging. Gosh, I mean, I started this blog last September 4th. I had it long before then, though. I started a blog back when I was on maternity leave with Shiloh. I had no idea about the blogging community then, I just wanted a place to collect and document all of my creative ventures. When things started to get really pressing and difficult for us last Fall, I needed more of a place where I could write and connect with people about where we were at that time. So I resurrected my blog. And I saw it as a long term business venture as well - I won't beat around the bush. Starting my blog AND my vintage "stuff" business was something I knew would take a long time to build, but at that time we were really falling off the cliff financially and I needed some kind of hope. 

Blogging was a vehicle to that hope. 

It sounds funny. But it was, and it has been. Blogging about my fears, frustrations and worst moments, my best moments, triumphs and breakthroughs - those have connected me with people who have been not only an encouragement and inspiration, who gave the the "oomph" I needed to press on, but also with those who were going through similar situations... it made me feel for the first time that though I was feeling so alone in my life and relationships here, out there in the world there were people I could connect with in a profound way who could say, "yep, I know what you're going through". People that, even though we may only ever communicate via email, text or Facebook, I have legitimate relationships with; people I call friends, who I can reach out to and know they're there when I just need to "hear" the voice of a friend. 

Given the cliche that exists among bloggers, that "blogging is an outlet"... I guess I really don't want to use that phrase, but it has been a place for me to get my thoughts out about some hard issues and actually process them as I do through writing. I am sure without it, I may not have been able to clear my mind, gain the perspectives of others, or had the chance to go back on my writing in order to gain even more clarity.

Over this last year of course, I have struggled with trying to find my identity as a blogger, simply because I see so many folks doing so many different things, I guess I feel compelled to also do those things in order to "grow my blog" or be like someone else who is successful in order to be successful myself. And I've realized that this is just not what I am here for. I don't enjoy doing anything else than ... well, what I enjoy. 

I've learned that I am not...

• a DIY blogger
• a recipe blogger
• a mommy blogger
• a crunchy mommy blogger, at that (even though I am crunchy in my own, special way)
• a person who is overly concerned about conveying my personal image over my content - photos on a post are sometimes an afterthought...
• a person who takes a lot of pictures of themselves and posts them on her blog
• a style blogger who wants everyone to see what I wear everyday or when I put together a cute outfit (even though I feel like I have my own unique style, just not something I am paassionate about)
• a thrifty blogger, although that is a priority and a necessity at times, more times it gives me a rush to be thrifty...

In a nutshell, there are so many labels just floating around waiting for me to grab one and apply all of its characteristics to my blog, and frankly, I am not interested in such a thing.

I've become comfortable with letting my blog be exactly what it has become: a reflection of who I am, what I am going through and my day to day life experiences. 

I will write long posts. I know that statistically less people will finish them than if I write short posts. I guess I am not sorry, because I am writing from a deep place that doesn't cater to the number of readers who will finish it - because I know that the folks who finish it are the ones I will connect with over that post, and that is what really matters to me. That is what's of value to me. 

I will post a million pictures in one post. Because I can, and because I love taking pictures. I may not have the best camera, skills or time to edit, but when life happens and I am happy about it, I want you all to know all about it. All of it. Every shot of it. And I do love photography, but sometimes I am just slinging my camera around while it's still hanging on my shoulder trying to capture some kid doing something precious, and I don't have a lot of time to frame the shot just the way I want to. 

long September shadows... 2011

I have big dreams for this space, dreams that may or may not even be achievable, given my resistance to doing things "the right way". I pray for influence, and ask the Lord for the ability to change people's lives with the ability to take a fledgling business or blog and give it exposure on my blog, and dramatically change that person's life. I pray for the ability to provide for my family outside of working every night at the restaurant - between my business and my blog. And I know there is a LOT of work to be done with both. I dream of being able to help people, not just myself, with my voice here on the internet... I don't think those dreams and desires are things that his heart is far from... so I hope that it'll happen one day. But for now I am just going to keep pressing on.

I want to thank those of you who are here, now. It means so much to me to have your support and readership. I hope you'll continue with me on this journey as I share my life, struggles, victories, heartache and joy. 

Love Brooke