pep talk to myself

So.

Here's the good news.

Jason secured an investment for the start-up he's helping to launch. This equals a commission check for us which was delivered to him last night. We have been looking forward to it. Partly because we kinda spent a lot on his birthday because we knew this was coming. Kinda more than people in our situation should. Kinda been a little strapped this week.

But anyways. It's done now and we had fun so I am trying not to think too much about that. So, meanwhile I have been doing the math in my head on the bills that need paying once this check comes. I knew it would probably eat up a good half of this check. But not more than that. Um... WRONG.

After the power bill came this morning ($900!!!') looks like ALL OF IT will be spent on bills. Couple grand or more, yeah, just gone like THAT. The bad news... Well, that's the bad news. I guess -- no -- I AM sick to my stomach. It is what it is and I know that. Geez, thank God that we have the money to pay it. It is just hard to watch what amounts to months of
work disappear so fast.

So I need a pep talk. From myself.

The reality is WE HAVE THE MONEY. This has not always been the case. We have the money to pay the bill and other bills. To get caught up and not worry for the next month about bills looming that we can't pay. I am thankful for this and it doesn't matter how long it took to get here or how fast it left, it came ON TIME. Yes. Thank you, God.

Next thing... WE HAVE INCOME.
This time last year we did not have income of any sort. No unemployment or jobs or anything. We were getting handouts left and right. It's a change in the right direction. Thank you, God.

There is momentum and it is building. It may not be happening as fast as I want. It may not come the way I want it to in whatever form I want it to. I
may lose hope some days. But this time this year is better than this time
last year. This is good. Be thankful, Brooke.

The reality is WE DON'T HAVE IT THAT BAD. At all. There are people in deep suffering and turmoil with no way out. People who have no back up plan, no resources, no family... People who lost their homes and moved into shelters or hotels with their kids. Parents who panhandle on the streets with their small children in tow -- people we have met recently. IT'S NOT BAD AT ALL.

So now it's time to suck it up. Cram photographing and measuring sixty vintage items into an hour and a half. Get off my butt and make it happen. It could be worse. It has never been better. Be thankful, Brooke.

The end.