just a wee bit o' whine.

It's at times like these when I appreciate the fact that I have a blog and a moment to sit down and write to work out all the things that have tied me up in knots. When I am done here, I plan to go upstairs and get in my comfy gown and bath robe, pour some Crown on the rocks and stare into the boob toob until I pass the heck out. 

So I am going to vent now, and you can stay and read it if you want. 

So, we sold the Burb... our beautiful 1989 blue Suburban we called Old Blue... the one we bought from the original owner (who drove it off the lot in '89) a few years back when Shiloh was really little... yeah, it pains me even to write about it. We just couldn't afford to gas her up anymore. $120+ for a tank was killing us... and it turned out I was putting about $20 in a day almost just to get around and run basic errands including picking the kids up from school. Though I haven't spoken about it in awhile our financial situation has not changed. We are still ridiculously poor and unemployed... though some income has happened in the last few months via side work for Jason and some commission, it isn't much. We barely make it. So to sacrifice such a great truck because we are broke just sucked. I nearly cried. We took pictures to commemorate the goodbye. 

So now, we are looking for a replacement - something with good MPG and big enough to haul the fam and a dog at times, which limits us to wagons. There aren't many wagons out there, people. And the ones that are under $2700 at this present moment on craigslist are basically beaters. We found a Subaru Outback in our price range that we liked and even paid $80 to have it fully inspected today... we drove thirty or so miles to the mechanic only to find out that it needed a new clutch right off the bat ($800), and several other little issues that *may or may not* present catastrophic problems in *six months or three years*.... I'm sorry, but I am too broke to take that chance! It was so pretty though, and it was a huge let down that the owner would not accept our offer. We even offered more later this evening but he already had someone else lined up offering more. Figures. And on top of that, the mechanic at the Subaru shop has a car he has done all the maintenance to and is perfect for us, and the perfect price point, but he can't sell it yet because he can't find another car... So we either wait until he finds another car, and drive one car between the two of us (impossible), or, keep looking which is a pain in the ass!! 

And then I found out today that the job I interviewed for, well, I didn't get it. And I never heard that I didn't get it in spite of the follow up phone calls. Maybe I just suck that bad. 

And I have tons of stuff I want to add to my shop, but when am I going to find the time to do the pictures and postings? I need to redo a lot of my postings already... and then to add these new items... and try to sell some of my kids clothes somehow, and clean out my closet... I really need to make some money so I can reinvest in my shop... I wish SO bad that I had $1000 just to invest in my blog and in my shop. I would beef up my shop and do some big advertising... anything to avoid jumping back in the rat race... I just don't know. Sometimes I feel like I am swimming upstream... is this all in vain and for nothing? I know I am not doing everything I can to grow my business and my blog, but I just don't have time - I have kids and meals to make and other family business to take care of, but am going to have to find it if I am going to "beat that steam drill, baby". 

And my poor sweet Noah is cutting all FOUR eye teeth at the same time. He is basically wallowing in the floor beating things and biting things while crying and snot pours forth from his face all over God and everything... and I don't think the ibuprofen is working as well anymore. So that's the lovely soundtrack to our chaos at the moment... 

And I want to go to the beach soooo bad. And to find time to work in my little community garden spot. But I need mushroom compost and am praying my seeds are still good... it all costs money, people!

I know things could absolutely be worse and it's all about perspective. And yes I am whining. I am just tired. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night, and that always puts me in a foul mood. 

I am just tired of being broke, tired of being tired, tired of being stuck. At least for tonight. Sounds like I need to remember to take my B-Complex and GABA tonight. And a big swig of Crown.

'night.