this here is a real sad sorry blog entry

So, here I am, I'm still here... Haven't left, just doing life, and finding no time for this meaningless thing called blogging. At the moment there is a dining room table to finish clearing, piles of laundry to fold, a boy to put to bed, a shower to be had. This is what keeps me from blogging y'all. I don't have time for this. I am also uninspired, and feeling the winter blues. I have not set foot outside once today. I am so over the dead, cold, windy winter we've been having. I am also so over sitting in front of the computer 12+ hours per day, which is what I've been doing over the last few weeks - working my butt off trying to fix everybody's problems and spending no time doing anything worth doing that makes life worth living. I am so burnt out.

Right now I spend a lot of time thinking about my Spring and Summer garden... what I'm going to plant, all the compost and manure I am going to dump into the ground this year to get a good start...about the squirrels who've been storing up for winter in my raised beds and all the holes they've dug, and all the little oak trees that are probably going to spring up in said beds come Spring. It's always around February I start perusing the VRBO site for a great deal on our Summer vacation... realizing that the warm fuzzies of sweaters and fires have more than left me, and I start dreaming of the Emerald Gulf and salty hair and tanned skin and glowing eyes and babies with sand in their cracks and not caring about sand in mine... I want to go to the beach again... same area... I just need to find a good deal in Rosemary because that's where I want to stay. I miss my husband, we are in the (I guess fairly) typical post-baby ships passing mode, with all my energy spent at Avaya, baby and trying to keep the house together I feel less like a woman and more like a maid than I have in years. I think I've already mentioned something about how long it's been since I've shaved my legs? Hmmm... maybe not. I realize that I do not want to have this kind of job forever, though I am so thankful for it, as it has truly provided all of our needs to date, and helped us pay off almost all of our debt, it is sucking the life out of my very soul. Can y'all tell I need some time in the sunshine with my shoes off? Yeah.
So I found this amazing website (and I'm not going to share it, because I don't want anybody upstaging my good ideas when they finally manifest - hee hee) where you can set up a shop and sell handmade things and art and vintage stuff... and I figured between all the vintage stuff I have and the eye I have for it, and all the crafty stuff I can make, and the screenprinted t-shirt ideas Jason always has, maybe we could quit our day job and set up a store one day (probably do that in reverse order) and sell crafty things and be crafty all of our days. Ugh. Anything but this.
And then there's Jesus. Man, I really need him. Bad. I miss snuggle time with him - bad. I don't feel like a good pray-er, or anything, I just need some snuggle time. I am passionate for him, and the things of him, but I am struggling finding time with him... and that makes me feel yucky because it feeds on the residual works orientation left in me. I want to believe he really understands, but I don't want to be an undisciplined daughter for too much longer... don't want to drink the milk too much longer... but Lord, help me squeeze it in and help me not feel tired when I couple the words Jesus and discipline.

So, for the record on this seriously random un-exciting, navel-gazing blog, these are all the great blog ideas I've had since I haven't blogged, just so y'all know.

Great Pasta, Sausage and Bean soup recipe...
Our new hardwood floors! Install process and the finished results w/ new furniture and all!
Sweet little Shiloh... and all her new tricks
Pinewood Derby...
Garden planning!
Ted Haggard (bless him and his family, Lord)

Now time to tuck Dakota in and get to the laundry. I'll talk at y'all later...